Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
