No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just gift wrapped bread.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
