Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
