I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
