Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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