wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
