My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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