I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize