Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
