some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
