Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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