I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
