She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
