i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
