yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
