this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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