it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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