once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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