The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
