Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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