I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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