I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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