Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
