Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
