pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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