I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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