i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
