Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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