i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
