he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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