My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize