Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Nicole vs. Life
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
