Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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