Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
