if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
found the other keg... it's in the tree
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
