talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
