is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
