Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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