i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
