Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
