Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
