Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
