your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
