:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
