We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
