Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
