that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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