He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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