i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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