i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
someone owes me an orgasm
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
