Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
