Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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