I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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