someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
