good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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