Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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