I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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