I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
