I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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