she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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