Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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