You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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