Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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