Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
