I just saw a hot homeless man
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
