she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize