Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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