Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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