I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
