Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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