dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
