I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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