i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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