If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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