Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I bet he comes in French.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
