so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
