i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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